Moksha Yoga: What doesn’t make you Vomit makes you Namaste?

What is Moksha Yoga?  Well, it”s a series of yoga poses practiced in a 100 degree  room.  Its also known as Hot Yoga, but that term also includes Bikram Yoga, and those places who say its Hot Yoga but they just put a space heater on.  Moksha Yoga is heated by radiant panels in the ceiling. There are also blessed ceiling fans for cooling the place down when the instructor thinks someone is going to pass out.  Basically, its hot and its yoga.

Moksha Yoga - what I really found

A lot of people go to Moksha Yoga to get a Zen and peace-be-with-you vibe.  I started going for a few reasons (none of which I think count as Zen)

1. To lose my blobby bits (that’s pure Bridget Jones) and wear Lululemon legitimately.

2. Because I’m completely uncoordinated and I sort of don’t suck at yoga as much as I do at other sports

3. Because of the heat,  I heard it makes you lose weight without really trying (1000 calories/hr?!?!) , and essentially I’m extremely lazy

4. They opened one near my house and they had a special. (Who doesn’t like a special?)

5.  My bff said it made her skin glow and look younger.

This is what I really found:

1.    My blobby bits are definitely getting firmer. They might be getting smaller if I would stop eating potato chips as a nice light, pre-yoga snack. And I have bought several lululemon outfits that are rather flattering and gorgeous.

2.  I’m getting pretty good at it. Today, I didn’t fall over once. The teacher told me I rocked it, and I didn’t feel like my legs were going to catch on fire. I do have to clarify my skill by saying that Moksha itself doesn’t usually include headstands, or those poses where you levitate upside down on one finger.  That’s Ashtanga.  I tried an Ashtanga class. We’ll talk about that later.

3.  It might burn that many calories, but to get there, it’s hard, sweaty, hard work.  There’s nothing easy about it.  Unfortunately, during this hard sweaty work, some of the men who are namaste-ing think its a grand idea to do their yoga SHIRTLESS.  Umm, I know you think that’s gross , but actually, its even grosser than you can even imagine. If I have to look at it, so should you have a picture painted:  they start their yoga and they’re already sweaty cuz they’re guys. Then, the sweat just starts pouring  off their sweaty bodies.  There’s nothing, like a shirt, to catch the sweat.  So its just starts dropping to their towel, the mat, wherever. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, they’re wearing short shorts. That’s even more special.  I actually tried Bikram a few years ago, but never went back because there was a guy doing it in his underwear.  What makes anyone think thats ok? (By the way, my guy friend who goes to yoga says that these same guys walk around the changeroom NAKED and try to talk to him.  Naked sweaty talking-definitely not COOL)

4.  It was a great deal.  I am getting my money’s worth.  Now that I’ve actually started going.  When I first joined, I started taking classes, then I was too lazy to go for a month, then I went a couple of times, then I slept in, then I travelled for business (you get the drift).  I was following a pattern.  Then, I set my self the goal that I would go whenever I didn’t have anything else (actual activity, not procrastinatory) to do.  And that seems to have worked.  I’m currently on Day 4 of a 14 day challenge.  How do I force myself to go?   I’m not actually sure. This has never happened before.

5.  I don’t think I am glowing or that I look younger.  But, really, who cares.  (Well everyone)

The cycle of Moksha goes like this.  Before the class, I want to go, then I don’t want to go, then I’m too tired to go, then I tell 3 people I’m going so I have to go, then I offer to drive someone there so I have to go.

I’m in the class.  Partway through, I can’t decide if I want to die or vomit, especially when we do Pretzel (a much better name than Eagle pose).

Then, we do Warrior pose which makes me feel like Sheena Queen of the Jungle.  Dancer pose makes me feel as graceful as can be (except when I fall over flat on my face).  I’m energized by the midway  ‘nap’ pose (Savasana to you plebes), but occasionally feel nauseous when someone takes ‘Wind Release’ pose seriously.  Usually, I complete the floor poses with confidence and strength (partly because I’m not standing up anymore and there’s an awful lot of ‘now lay your head down and take a rest’. )

After the class I stride out like a real pro, totally addicted to the restful high the Moksha creates.

So, do I love it? Yes.  Have I vomited yet?  Nooope.  And, actually, I must confess, I am getting a bit Zen.  Its scaring me.  I even blessed my third eye today (don’t ask).